Have you ever finally had a chance to sit down, but your body didn’t seem to get the message?

• You’re tired, but you can’t settle.
• Your mind keeps going.
• Your stomach feels off.

You may feel tense for no obvious reason, or you wake up already feeling like you’re behind before the day has even started.

People often tell me, “But I’m trying to relax.” And I believe them.

The problem is that deciding to relax and having your body actually shift into a calmer physiological state are not always the same thing.

This is where understanding the nervous system can change the conversation.

Your Nervous System Is Always Paying Attention

Your nervous system is constantly taking in information and helping your body decide what needs to happen next. You don’t have to consciously tell your heart to beat faster when you’re startled. You don’t have to tell your pupils to change, your muscles to tense, or your digestion to slow down when your body needs to respond quickly. Much of this happens automatically.

One part of this system helps mobilize you when action is needed. You may have heard this called the sympathetic nervous system, or the “fight-or-flight” response.

Another part helps support functions associated with rest, recovery, and digestion. This is largely associated with the parasympathetic nervous system. You need both.

Stress itself is not the enemy. Your ability to respond to stress is part of being human.

The concern is what happens when the body keeps getting signals that require it to stay more alert and reactive—and doesn’t get enough opportunity to shift back toward recovery.

Stress Doesn’t Always Look Like Stress

This is something I think we miss far too often. When people hear the word stress, they usually think about feeling emotionally overwhelmed.

• But stress can come from many directions.

It might be caring for a family member, financial concerns, a demanding job, grief, relationship difficulties, poor sleep, illness, chronic pain, not eating enough, overtraining, or simply living for months or years without enough recovery.

Sometimes the person doesn’t even describe herself as stressed.

She may simply say:

• “I’m exhausted.”
• “My stomach is a mess.”
• “I can’t sleep.”
• “I feel wired at night.”
• “I don’t know why I’m so irritable.”
• “My brain won’t shut off.”
• “I don’t feel like myself.”

That is why I don’t like looking at symptoms in isolation. The question isn’t only, “What symptom do you have?” I also want to know, “What has your body been dealing with?”

Why Can’t I Just Relax?

This is where people can become frustrated with themselves. They go on vacation. Take a bath. Sit on the couch. Try meditation. Tell themselves to stop worrying. Those things can certainly be helpful.

But your nervous system isn’t an on/off switch controlled entirely by conscious thought.

If your body has been responding to repeated or prolonged demands, it may take time and consistent signals of safety and recovery for that physiology to change.

That doesn’t mean every symptom is caused by your nervous system. And it doesn’t mean you’ve become permanently “stuck.” It means we need to look at the bigger picture.

Your Brain, Nervous System, and Stress Hormones Work Together

The nervous system isn’t working alone. Another important part of the stress response involves what we call the HPA axis. That stands for the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis, but don’t worry about memorizing the name. Think of it as one of the communication systems your body uses to coordinate its response to stress.

Your brain recognizes that something requires a response. Signals are sent through the body, and hormones, including cortisol, help make energy and resources available for what needs to happen.

• Cortisol is not a “bad” hormone.
• You need it.

The problem with many conversations about cortisol today is that cortisol gets blamed for everything. Human physiology is much more complicated than that.

What matters is the pattern, the stressor, the response, the recovery, and what else is happening throughout the body.

This Can Show Up in Your Digestion Too

This is one reason I’ve been talking so much about the connection between stress and digestive health.

Digestion requires resources. When the body needs to respond to an immediate challenge, digestion may not be its first priority at that moment. That can influence things such as gut movement, appetite, bowel habits, nausea, abdominal discomfort, and how digestion feels.

The connection also works in both directions. Your digestive system communicates with your brain. Your brain communicates with your digestive system. The vagus nerve is one of the major pathways involved in that communication.

So, when someone tells me she has digestive problems, I don’t automatically assume the answer is simply removing another food.

• Food absolutely matters.
• But it isn’t the whole story.

And This Is Where the Bigger Picture Matters

The nervous system, digestive system, thyroid, metabolism, immune system, hormones, and stress response don’t live in separate compartments. They communicate. That doesn’t mean one system is always responsible for another. It means changes in one area can influence what is happening elsewhere.

This is why someone can be dealing with fatigue, digestive changes, poor sleep, difficulty concentrating, changes in appetite, or weight concerns and feel as though she has five unrelated problems.

Sometimes those symptoms may have different causes. Sometimes there may be connections worth investigating. That is the difference between chasing individual symptoms and asking what is happening throughout the system.

You Don’t Need Another Reason to Blame Yourself

One thing I want people to understand is that struggling to relax doesn’t automatically mean you’re “bad at managing stress.”

You can’t always think your way out of physiology. And you don’t need to become obsessed with monitoring your nervous system, either.

We are seeing so much conversation online now about “nervous system regulation” that people can start worrying about whether they’re regulated enough. That misses the point.

The goal isn’t to live in a perfectly calm state all the time. That’s not realistic. A healthy nervous system needs flexibility, the ability to respond when something requires your attention and the ability to move toward recovery when the challenge has passed.

Start Looking for Patterns

Instead of asking only, “How do I get rid of this symptom?” start becoming curious about the pattern around it.

When does it happen?

What was happening before it started?

How are you sleeping?

Are you eating regularly?

Are you constantly rushing?

Do your digestive symptoms change during stressful periods?

Do you feel exhausted during the day but suddenly more alert at night?

Does your body ever get a real opportunity to recover?

Those questions can tell us much more than blaming one food, one hormone, or one stressful day.

Your Body Works as a System

After more than four decades in healthcare, this is one of the things I continue to come back to:

The body makes much more sense when we stop looking at each part as though it operates alone.

Your nervous system matters.

Your gut matters.

Your thyroid matters.

Your hormones matter.

Your metabolism matters.

Your nutrition matters.

Your stress response matters.

And the relationships between them matter too.

Understanding those connections doesn’t mean we have all the answers immediately.

But it gives us a much better place to start.

Because sometimes the question isn’t simply: “Why can’t I relax?”

A better question may be: “What has my body been responding to and what does it need in order to recover?”

To understand more about this stress-response system, read How Stress, Cortisol, and the HPA Axis Affect Thyroid Function and Weight,  https://pounds-to-go.com/how-stress-cortisol-and-the-hpa-axis-affect-thyroid-function-and-weight/ where I explain how ongoing stress can interact with thyroid function, metabolism, and weight.

If you’ve noticed that your digestion changes during stressful periods, Why Stress Can Affect Your Digestion More Than You Realize https://pounds-to-go.com/why-stress-can-affect-your-digestion-more-than-you-realize/ explains why stress and digestive function are so closely connected.

If you’re getting enough rest but still feel exhausted, Why You Feel Tired All the Time and Why It’s Not Just Lack of Sleep https://pounds-to-go.com/why-you-feel-tired-all-the-time-and-why-its-not-just-lack-of-sleep/  explores how stress, digestion, the nervous system, and other factors can influence your energy.

Stress doesn’t always show up as feeling anxious. Why You Have Brain Fog and Why It’s Not Just in Your Head  https://pounds-to-go.com/why-you-have-brain-fog-and-why-its-not-just-in-your-head/ looks at how stress, digestion, energy, and the nervous system can also affect how clear and focused you feel.

For a closer look at how the brain and digestive system communicate, read Why Your Stomach Feels Worse When You’re Anxious and What Your Nervous System Has to Do With It, https://pounds-to-go.com/why-your-stomach-feels-worse-when-youre-anxious-and-what-your-nervous-system-has-to-do-with-it/  where I explain the gut-brain axis, vagus nerve, and nervous system connection in everyday language.